I'm sitting at a café, sipping on a cup of latté and listening to my favourite Hebe on a Sunday afternoon (Yes, S.H.E's Hebe). Most people can't seem to comprehend the kind of love I have for her music. Yes, its mainstream Mandarin Pop music but not all of her songs are cliché love songs. I am a "lyrics first" person and I find myself resonating with the messages in her songs..the way she expresses her views on life through music and how she stays true to it. Give it a chance when you have the time please!
Great, I am so good at digressing I missed out on the part where I was debating with myself on whether I should write something or I should read. I am behind my "2 books a month" reading schedule, but I also have a whole lot of "backlogs" to write about. The last time I wrote (and actually posted) something was months ago. Not cool. The accumulation of thoughts makes me feel like I have a long list of things to write about. And while typing this, I had to also snap myself out of people-watching. I'm such a distracted child.
So let me just jump into this thing I've always wanted to talk about.
"How are you?"
What would your answer be?
I'm fine?
"How are you" seem to be one of the simplest way of showing concern yet I think most of us just use it as a variation of "hi" when we bump into an acquaintance.
Who actually thinks that asking somebody "How are you?" is impactful? I do. I mean I didn't think so until a friend asked me that when I was going through a shitty time. We see each other all the time so when she asked me that in the most concerned tone, it hit me that the question wasn't the same as the ones I have heard.
I used the word "Impactful" because her question made me really think about how I was feeling. It also brought me to the realization that I was so bad at sharing how I felt. I started to ask people I have not seen in awhile, or friends I meet regularly "how are you?" in the most sincere way I could. I was hoping I would get more than a "I'm fine" sort of answer. And.. I realized I wasn't the only idiot bad at expressing negative emotions. The answers I got ranged from "I'm fine' to "I'm good". Some answers came with hesitation and silence, and then accompanied by a raise in a brow, which I assume, is because the question got them thinking too. It is not all that bad really.
I am actually very grateful for people who ask "how are you" and really mean it. Of course I don't pour out my heart all the time, but it is comforting to know that someone cares right? In this time and age, I just find that it is difficult for us to be our authentic self. With social media and what not, it seems so easy to attack another human being for being themselves. We seem to jump at every opportunity to "stir shit", as though being extraordinary is the new norm, as though people who have nothing "big" to show on social media are not leading a good-enough life. And because of all these, we tend to protect ourselves by pretending. Sometimes I find myself thinking if I should "post this or that" not because I want to protect my privacy, but because I couldn't decide which one "looks better" for my feed. Its mind-fucking actually. How present are we?
So anyway, I did start to be more aware of how I felt because of the the realization that I suck at expressing it. It was kinda funny because I thought I was open, but someone told me I was merely describing situations and not my feelings. I mean, it is so easy for us to express happiness and anger, yet it takes so much courage to talk about how we truly feel in sadness. When was the last time you told someone how you truly felt about yourself?